already half goneAugust 5, 2006
Three weeks from exactly right now, I’ll be sitting in O’Hare, waiting to get my 01 00 connection flight to Seoul, where I’ll arrive the next day at 05 00. I’ll have left Ann Arbor “for good” (one hopes, at least, not “for bad” right?) and be starting the final push of my life as a student.
I’m neither fan nor anti-fan of Star Trek. Nevertheless, one image from that program that imprinted deep within my consciousness was that of the half-there, half-gone traveler during the process of being “beamed”. In this precise moment, how would we answer the question, “Where are they?” As the ol’ horndog Clinton might say, depends on what the meaning of “is” “is”. When he said it, it was ridiculous, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some times when such speculation on the nature of our being isn’t readily apparent, even in our everyday speech.
Such a huge life event like moving half-way around the world (uh, actually only a quarter of the way) can’t help but weight heavily on the mind, filling the empty spaces with worry and excitement, so much so that at times I almost feel like I’m “not all there” or that I’m “somewhere else”.
Add to that the fact that all of my friends and family over there are already imagining my being there, making arrangements and setting plans in motion, it is as if half of me is fuzzily being invoked through the energy of their collective thoughts. So, here I post this first real post, marking not a hard boundary between here/there, now/then, home/away, but rather making the fuzziness of my life right now crystal clear. I’m half-here, already half-gone, and hopefully that might explain my sometimes slack-jawed inability to be paying full attention to the here and now.